Dawn Patrol

There are a couple of reasons why I will get up before noon. 1 is money and the other is to have a good session of water skiing. 

http://vimeo.com/44850474

To Much of a Good Thing

   Have you ever eaten something so much that the sight, smell or thought of it purely disgusts you? I have a few such stories about things I have eaten that now disgust me to the point that even the thought of them makes me cringe. Below I will list some of my favorites and I will also include a story of why I can’t eat at Taco Bell just for the pure enjoyment of making a few of you throw up.

   The first thing that I remember eating so constantly that I can no longer stand is Stouffers Stuffing. I would eat Stouffers instant stuffing everyday after school before I went to practice. This lasted for about 4 months and one day I finished up a can of stuffing and that was it, I couldn’t eat anymore of it and asked my mom not to buy it anymore. I can still eat stuffing it just cant be Stouffers instant stuffing because that stuff really makes me gag just thinking about it now.   

   My family’s favorite story though is that of the Ham and Cheese Hot Pockets. For about a year I would eat a Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket everyday, I literally mean everyday and I loved them (that’s a mess of Hot Pockets). Then one day it was all over. There was a 50 pack from Costco in the freezer and I had eaten only a couple Hot Pockets out of it. I am not 100% sure on what exactly happened but one day I came home from school and went to get a Hot Pocket and I started to throw up in my mouth. My body was telling me to reject that vile afternoon snack and eat literally anything else. My mind, my stomach my colon were all telling me that my body was willing to die before consuming one more bite of a Ham and Cheese Hot Pocket. There was nothing I could do but let the pack of Hot Pockets sit in the freezer until months later they were eventually thrown out disappointed that I was never going to return and eat their high fat vileness. Since that day I have never eaten a Hot Pocket of any kind. 

   Now this story is just to see if I can make a few of you feel sick. I tell it much better in person but nonetheless I still believe a few of you will gag as I detail a trip to Taco Bell that resulted disaster. Now I know most of you will think that the disaster happened in the bathroom after eating Taco Bell but unfortunately this disaster occurred long before the greasy goodness of Taco Bell created a slip n slide in my colon.

   I was in Vail Colorado on my way from one job to another and I needed something fast and delicious. As I came around the corner Taco Bell was calling my name and told me that I needed a Beefy Cheesy Burrito. The decision was made. As I drove away and unwrapped my delectable treat my mouth was salivating and I took a gargantuan bite eating nearly 1/3 of the burrito. As I pulled the burrito away from my mouth the cheese was stringing between my mouth to the burrito just like the commercials. The unfortunate part I soon discovered was that it was not cheese stringing between my mouth and the burrito, it was a huge clump of long thick hair. Not just a single hair, a huge handful of hair. I was on the freeway by this point driving nearly 80 mph. As I struggled to get the hair and burrito out of my mouth gaging uncontrollably I swerved from lane to lane. I got my window rolled down and proceeded to throw up and toss all of the taco bell “fixings” out of it. This event has left me traumatized towards Taco Bell and even writing the description above led me to gag a bit. (I was in my office when I wrote this so a couple of coworkers asked me if I was ok)

   As my friend Shante would tell me my life is full of first world problems. But I guess that is life according to me.

Your Brother and Your Mom's Brother?

The other day some friends and I were discussing polygamy, we are from Utah, and we started talking about how it would work and what you would call people who were related to you in more than one way. It was at this point that I decided to make an incest list so that no one has to wonder what to call their family members who have multiple relational titles. This may not be a problem for people in other states but for me it is embarrassing when someone introduces their wife to me but I also happen to know that she is also his sister.   

Multi-Relational Titles

-          Bruncle (Brother-Uncle)

-          Brusband (Brother-Husband)

-          Moster (Mom-Sister)

-          Saunt (Sister-Aunt)

-          Broad (Brother-Dad)

-          Waunt (Wife-Aunt)

-          Graunt (Grandma-Aunt)

-          Huncle (Husband-Uncle)

-          Duncle (Dad-Uncle)

-          Gruncle (Grandpa-Uncle)

-          Wister (Wife-Sister)

-          Wom (Wife-Mom)

-          Wiece (Wife-Niece)

-          Wifma (Wife-Granma)

-          Husbad (Husband-Dad)

-          Husphew (Husband-Nephew)

-          Granband (Grandpa-Husband)

-          Brophew (Brother-Nephew)

-          Brondpa (Brother-Grandpa)

-          Smom (Sister-Mom)

This is by no means a complete list of multi-relation names so I would greatly appreciate any input you have on better or new insestual titles. At least for now though the next time you see your brother who also happens to be your mom’s brother you don’t have to have that awkward moment of how to address your bruncle.