Recently I have been viewing a plethora of subpar and terrible movies. I know that you are thinking, Dan that is your own fault, but it really isn’t. You see my family has recently switched from a satellite provider back to a cable provider and with that comes 6 months of free HBO for my viewing pleasure. Since I only have 6 months of free HBO I feel that I need to stick it to the man by cramming in as many free movies each day as humanly possible. It hasn’t been easy, my grades have been falling because I no longer have time to study or to do homework, and my social life is almost dead because some of the best movies are on in the evening time. You see it really isn’t my fault, I can’t help myself. It’s like when you are staying in a hotel for just one night and they have free movie channels, what are you going to do? That’s right you’re going to watch yourself a free movie!
I will say though by watching so many free movies, many of which are the same movie I have already seen several times, I have noticed things, like when a director didn’t take time to think about small details. A perfect example is in the movie “I love you Beth Cooper.” In one scene there is a car with 3 girls in it that is driving crazy (much like any teenage girl would drive) on their way to a geek’s house for a graduation party. At one point this car drives across some curbs and over a lawn, leaving the audience with a front on view through the cars windshield. It is only for a brief moment that you can gaze into the car but in that moment you can see 3 men wearing wigs. I swear the driver who is wearing a cheap looking blonde wig even has a beard. I feel myself noticing these details sometimes on only the 2nd or 3rd time I see a movie now. I am becoming a movie critic with the eye of an eagle. So I would like to thank Comcast for my Free HBO because even though I’m going to fail a class or two and don’t have any friends left I now have a new calling in life, I am going to review the subpar and terrible movies of the world and let people know just how poorly made they really are.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
What Values?
So by the request the of individuals involved and my duty to entertainment I have forced myself to take time and write a second blog entry. Now I know that I should write more because I am such an amazing writer and you all look forward to hearing my stories, but you also should know that I don’t care about anyone but myself and my writing a blog equals less time to do what I want. But because I am such a good person and such a dedicated friend I have taken time to write down this thrilling tale of a late night escapade.
What I have learned is that one’s decision making skills, productivity and responsibility levels and moral compass all decrease relative to the time of day. In the morning people get up and go to work and school. As the day goes on people become less productive, less morally conscious and their ability to make good decisions goes down the crapper. I am sure that you have all experienced this in your own life and most likely have a good story to go along with it, like the time you spent the entire afternoon on Facebook looking at girls profiles that you wish you were friends with, or how as soon at 7pm hit your diet plans went out the window. These stories are nice and you all have a story and they are all good but these stories only involve you abandoning one or two of your values. What makes a story truly great is when you abandon all of your values and then laugh about it. I have such a story that involves such and I am proudly sharing it here for your enjoyment.
Currently my two friends and I (identities withheld for their protection) are working on building a café racer style motorcycle. A few weeks ago we picked up our starter bike, a 1975 Honda cb750. That night Chris, Bryce and I started to tear apart the entire bike so that we can repair, restore and replace anything that needed such. When we got the bike, we started to tear it down but were soon tuckered out because it was fairly labor intensive. We all went up stairs and started to watch the Olympics. As I am prone to do I fell asleep on the couch while my friends did heaven knows what. At about 1am I awoke suddenly to the sound of the announcer’s voice bad mouthing Apollo Ohno for something huge, I think. In blind rage I immediately began to yell at the television accusing the announcer of being bias and a hater. I then proceeded to talk about how the United States is the best. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I can tell you that it was some of the most patriotic chatter that has ever left the lips of man, that’s just how I roll. While still gaining full conciseness I noticed that Chris was awake.
Dan: “should we go work on the bike?”
Chris: “ Yup”
Bryce: “We goona work on the bike?”
Chris and Dan: “Yup”
And with that manly conversation our night got its second wind and we were off to finish tearing apart the bike. Because we still had “the most delicious nectar of the gods” in supply (Red Bull) we each pounded one and got down to business.
Now for those of you who are still with me after this long discourse of crap I have been throwing at you, this is where I am going to prove to you that morals, values, good decision making and anything else that you might hold to, decreases in personal value the later it is.
At around 4am we decided that we needed some plastic bins and a pallet so that we could organize parts and have a place to set the engine. So we were off to the 24 hour smiths to see what they had to offer. On the way to the store as Bryce was driving down the wrong side of the road and me with no seatbelt on, it was agreed that stopping for stop signs this late would just be foolish. Now this is something to be expected from Bryce and myself but it’s what happened when we got to Smiths that truly shows the affects of time on an individual’s standards.
Chris “They probably have pallets we can just take out back.”
Bryce and Dan “OK”
Now as Chris was carrying a pallet down the ramp it was noticed that there was a large amount of blue plastic bins nearby that would be perfect for storing our parts.
Chris “Look did you see that they have bins right there”
Dan and Bryce “o Ya”
Chris “Well since I’m carrying the pallet how about you two go and get some bins.”
Now the pallets were most likely a low cost to the store that may or may have not been used again and we probably could have had one if we had asked, but no matter how you slice it those blue plastic bins have some sort of value and probably weren’t sitting out there as door prizes for late night shenanigans. (The next person who says the word shenanigans is going to get pistol whipped. Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like? O you mean shenanigans? OOOOOOOOOO........Man I love that movie).
On the way home our running of stop signs while driving as the British do continued with me still not wearing a seatbelt. Now this is dumb but what truly made this situation a complete abandonment of good decisions making skills all together was when we decided to run the last stop sign before home with our eyes closed.
This is how the running of the stop sign went:
“One, Two, Three!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! (In cases you’re wondering how to imagine that last sound I have written out, just think of three 12 year old girls at a Jonas Brothers concert).
Now I know that this story doesn’t involve us waking up naked in Mexico next to some ones mother, But I think when looked at as whole it truly illustrates my point that as the day goes on, individuals morals, values, good decision making skills and anything else they have ever held to all become unimportant. Now each value and moral has a magical hour in which it leaves and this magical hour is unique to each person. So if you are looking to figure out exactly when that hour is for a specific standard of your own then let me prescribe to you a case of the most delicious nectar of the gods and a few good friends.
What I have learned is that one’s decision making skills, productivity and responsibility levels and moral compass all decrease relative to the time of day. In the morning people get up and go to work and school. As the day goes on people become less productive, less morally conscious and their ability to make good decisions goes down the crapper. I am sure that you have all experienced this in your own life and most likely have a good story to go along with it, like the time you spent the entire afternoon on Facebook looking at girls profiles that you wish you were friends with, or how as soon at 7pm hit your diet plans went out the window. These stories are nice and you all have a story and they are all good but these stories only involve you abandoning one or two of your values. What makes a story truly great is when you abandon all of your values and then laugh about it. I have such a story that involves such and I am proudly sharing it here for your enjoyment.
Currently my two friends and I (identities withheld for their protection) are working on building a café racer style motorcycle. A few weeks ago we picked up our starter bike, a 1975 Honda cb750. That night Chris, Bryce and I started to tear apart the entire bike so that we can repair, restore and replace anything that needed such. When we got the bike, we started to tear it down but were soon tuckered out because it was fairly labor intensive. We all went up stairs and started to watch the Olympics. As I am prone to do I fell asleep on the couch while my friends did heaven knows what. At about 1am I awoke suddenly to the sound of the announcer’s voice bad mouthing Apollo Ohno for something huge, I think. In blind rage I immediately began to yell at the television accusing the announcer of being bias and a hater. I then proceeded to talk about how the United States is the best. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I can tell you that it was some of the most patriotic chatter that has ever left the lips of man, that’s just how I roll. While still gaining full conciseness I noticed that Chris was awake.
Dan: “should we go work on the bike?”
Chris: “ Yup”
Bryce: “We goona work on the bike?”
Chris and Dan: “Yup”
And with that manly conversation our night got its second wind and we were off to finish tearing apart the bike. Because we still had “the most delicious nectar of the gods” in supply (Red Bull) we each pounded one and got down to business.
Now for those of you who are still with me after this long discourse of crap I have been throwing at you, this is where I am going to prove to you that morals, values, good decision making and anything else that you might hold to, decreases in personal value the later it is.
At around 4am we decided that we needed some plastic bins and a pallet so that we could organize parts and have a place to set the engine. So we were off to the 24 hour smiths to see what they had to offer. On the way to the store as Bryce was driving down the wrong side of the road and me with no seatbelt on, it was agreed that stopping for stop signs this late would just be foolish. Now this is something to be expected from Bryce and myself but it’s what happened when we got to Smiths that truly shows the affects of time on an individual’s standards.
Chris “They probably have pallets we can just take out back.”
Bryce and Dan “OK”
Now as Chris was carrying a pallet down the ramp it was noticed that there was a large amount of blue plastic bins nearby that would be perfect for storing our parts.
Chris “Look did you see that they have bins right there”
Dan and Bryce “o Ya”
Chris “Well since I’m carrying the pallet how about you two go and get some bins.”
Now the pallets were most likely a low cost to the store that may or may have not been used again and we probably could have had one if we had asked, but no matter how you slice it those blue plastic bins have some sort of value and probably weren’t sitting out there as door prizes for late night shenanigans. (The next person who says the word shenanigans is going to get pistol whipped. Farva what’s the name of that restaurant you like? O you mean shenanigans? OOOOOOOOOO........Man I love that movie).
On the way home our running of stop signs while driving as the British do continued with me still not wearing a seatbelt. Now this is dumb but what truly made this situation a complete abandonment of good decisions making skills all together was when we decided to run the last stop sign before home with our eyes closed.
This is how the running of the stop sign went:
“One, Two, Three!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!!! (In cases you’re wondering how to imagine that last sound I have written out, just think of three 12 year old girls at a Jonas Brothers concert).
Now I know that this story doesn’t involve us waking up naked in Mexico next to some ones mother, But I think when looked at as whole it truly illustrates my point that as the day goes on, individuals morals, values, good decision making skills and anything else they have ever held to all become unimportant. Now each value and moral has a magical hour in which it leaves and this magical hour is unique to each person. So if you are looking to figure out exactly when that hour is for a specific standard of your own then let me prescribe to you a case of the most delicious nectar of the gods and a few good friends.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Even Famous People Can Be Losers
Today I attended class apathetically all morning. During my Writing class I was so bored that I was unable to sit still and got up about every 5 minutes to get some water or just walk around. It's only the 4th week of class but my teacher loves me so much (or hates me and thinks I am a pile, I honestly can't tell) that she didn’t even ask me what I was doing. Needless to say I was quite excited to get home and watch some TV. Now I was planning to fall asleep but then MTV Cribs came on and it had one of the best segments ever. This segment was staring Kim Kardashian! I know what you are thinking, Dan quit being a pervert or if you’re a man your thinking, "I wish I would have seen that episode." But let me tell you no matter what side you are on you have to see this episode, You get to see the inside of Kim Kardashians house..........well her parents house. hahahaha I was taken off guard because She introduced it as her house but then as the tour proceeded she says things like "this is where all me and my siblings hang out," or "this is my dad’s room."It was so pathetic that it was almost too sad to laugh at, but not quite. The only other time I have ever seen a star who was living at home on an MTV cribs episode was when Cribs went to the house of the Jonas Brothers. It's good to know that even stars can be losers who live at home to.
This also made me think of a certain Cribs video that was produced by my good friend Steve. Take a look- The Shizzy Ridge Cribs
This also made me think of a certain Cribs video that was produced by my good friend Steve. Take a look- The Shizzy Ridge Cribs
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Your Wish is My Command
Due to many requests I have decided to start a blog along with my fan site on Facebook. Still check out my fan page at www.facebook.com/DanTheManHansen for everyday life and short stories, but check in here for detailed stories about my life that I know you all love to hear about.
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